Life has been so hectic lately that it wasn't until I was looking at my diary planning out the next week that I suddenly realised that Christmas has snuck up on me without my realising it. Only 9 days to go and my stress level suddenly increased - why? - I have presents still to buy, a dinner party to plan and oh no, my christmas cards still have to be sent.
Stress a simple word that can be good or bad. A little stress is good for you - it can give you the adrenaline rush to shine, to find the energy to complete that task or to stimulate the creative juices. Its when the stress builds and increases and starts to have a detrimental effect on your responses that it becomes bad for you. YOu need to recognise the signs and know when in to put into place some methods to reduce the stress to the good levels.
When you find yourself frequently tired, things starting to get on top of you, solutions are not coming, that overwhelming feeling then it is likely that your stress levels are increasing. You need to stop and give yourself a chance to take a quick health check. Without this check increased stress levels can have physical outcomes - high blood pressure, depression, sleep problems, eating disorders to name a few.
Stress is individual - different people have different stress levels. What is a high level in one person is good for another. You need to monitor your own reactions to find when your stress level tips over to the danger impact, rather than the beneficial impact.
Look for some of these signs of stress:
inability to concentrate
emotional over reaction to incidents
moodines
seeing only the negative
agitation, inablitly to relax
procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities
Some questions to ask yourself to determine if you are in control of the the stress or if it is controlling you.
When I feel agitated, do I know how to quickly calm and soothe myself?
Can I easily let go of my anger?
Can I turn to others at work to help me calm down and feel better?
When I come home at night, do I walk in the door feeling alert and relaxed?
Am I seldom distracted or moody?
Am I able to recognize upsets that others seem to be experiencing?
When my energy is low, do I know how to boost it?
Source: The Language of Emotional Intelligence by Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.
Once you have identified your stress levels and whether you are in control you need to learn to manage your stress. The key to this is being in control. Take control of your life, of your work, of your decisions. Learn to know what you can change and change it and live with what can't be changed. Take time to recharge your batteries - make some me time to relax. Interact with others, strengthen your
support network - a problem shared is a problem solved. Big things that were overwhelming you, suddenly seem more manageable when you can talk them over with someone.
Look at positive thinking for positive action. Your attitude influences your thinking. Give your self the opportunity to take charge and plan for a positve action.
So if you are feeling overwhelmed by work, life or Christmas, stop, think, take some positive action to bring your life back on balance and then enjoy. Look out for Trischel's Managing Stress Self Development breakfast in 2010 for some proactive suggestions on managing your stress.
Me - I have taken a break, looked at what has to be done - made a list and now feel a bit more in control. I still think christmas has come too fast but now I feel more in control and am looking forward to enjoying the holiday season.
Trish @ Trischel
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
I’m as bright as a button!
...All shiny and new and wide awake!
Isn’t language wonderful? Who hasn’t sat and listened as a consummate storyteller wove mental pictures for us with wonderful words?
Have you ever wondered why language evolved the way it did – after all we are told that “a picture is worth a thousand words!” – but is it; is it really?
If I were to ask you to draw a picture of a book, or a dog, or a cat or anything that is solid and visual you would probably be able to make a reasonable representation of it. But what if I asked you to draw ‘embarrass’ or ‘wistful’ or something more emotional what would you draw? And would the meaning be as clear as the word?
Sometimes we need vivid and expressive language to touch our listener’s emotions. We need to create an atmosphere of mutual understanding to instill a willingness to believe. Our mental pictures are created from our experience, memories and understanding of the visual aspects which we associate with the words.
Wordsmiths will use a variety of grammatical ploys to create the visual recognition within us. We may understand the results without understanding the methods used, so lets consider two of the easiest ways for us to incorporate vivid language into our speeches.
Do you recall Wordsworth famous poem that starts “ I wandered lonely as a cloud, that floats on high o’er hill and dale...” Here we mentally visualise the soft, delicate cloud being gently blown around the sky by unpredictable winds, and thereby come to an understanding of how Wordsworth was aimlessly wandering, solitary across the landscape.
By likening our attitude or action to a strong and immediate visual component we can increase the effectiveness of our words. Poets use it constantly and it is known as a Simile. They are immediately recognisable because they are introduced by the words ‘like’ or ‘as’. Madonna’s ‘Like a virgin, kissed for the very first time’ gives us an understanding of the innocence and vulnerability she is trying to convey.
Some similes are so well known that they have become clichés - ‘busy as a bee’ or ‘light as a feather’ no longer strike the listener with a unique mental picture; but an unusual simile can bring to mind a whole host of emotional responses “the smell of cooking from my grandmother’s kitchen wrapped around me like a well worn security blanket” – now didn’t that bring to mind a very special picture?
Similes can be used to trigger a specific response by likening one thing to another with a peculiarly unique common factor. It creates vivid language.
The second grammatical ploy, again used by vividly creative writers is the metaphor. Here one thing takes on the attributes of another and those attributes are used to enhance the meaning of the original. Instead of being ‘like’ something else, they are actually referred to as if they have become that. For instance we use ‘the foot of the mountain’ and most would understand exactly what we mean. But by using metaphors more inventively we can create a strong visual component to our words.
Lee Iacocca once said “I talk about gasoline prices and interest rates because they have always been the twin engines that drive my business.” He was using a metaphor to drive home the importance of prices and interest rates.
Each of these uses the mental images created by common knowledge and experience to add a visual component to our words and generate an emotional response in our listeners.If we want to connect and engage with our audience we need to do more than baffle them with science! We need to engage them with an emotional component that will enable them to personally engage with our message.
To help us to do that we can co-op both Similes and Metaphors as champions in our cause, riding like white knights to our rescue when we need some vivid language.
Michele@Trischel
Isn’t language wonderful? Who hasn’t sat and listened as a consummate storyteller wove mental pictures for us with wonderful words?
Have you ever wondered why language evolved the way it did – after all we are told that “a picture is worth a thousand words!” – but is it; is it really?
If I were to ask you to draw a picture of a book, or a dog, or a cat or anything that is solid and visual you would probably be able to make a reasonable representation of it. But what if I asked you to draw ‘embarrass’ or ‘wistful’ or something more emotional what would you draw? And would the meaning be as clear as the word?
Sometimes we need vivid and expressive language to touch our listener’s emotions. We need to create an atmosphere of mutual understanding to instill a willingness to believe. Our mental pictures are created from our experience, memories and understanding of the visual aspects which we associate with the words.
Wordsmiths will use a variety of grammatical ploys to create the visual recognition within us. We may understand the results without understanding the methods used, so lets consider two of the easiest ways for us to incorporate vivid language into our speeches.
Do you recall Wordsworth famous poem that starts “ I wandered lonely as a cloud, that floats on high o’er hill and dale...” Here we mentally visualise the soft, delicate cloud being gently blown around the sky by unpredictable winds, and thereby come to an understanding of how Wordsworth was aimlessly wandering, solitary across the landscape.
By likening our attitude or action to a strong and immediate visual component we can increase the effectiveness of our words. Poets use it constantly and it is known as a Simile. They are immediately recognisable because they are introduced by the words ‘like’ or ‘as’. Madonna’s ‘Like a virgin, kissed for the very first time’ gives us an understanding of the innocence and vulnerability she is trying to convey.
Some similes are so well known that they have become clichés - ‘busy as a bee’ or ‘light as a feather’ no longer strike the listener with a unique mental picture; but an unusual simile can bring to mind a whole host of emotional responses “the smell of cooking from my grandmother’s kitchen wrapped around me like a well worn security blanket” – now didn’t that bring to mind a very special picture?
Similes can be used to trigger a specific response by likening one thing to another with a peculiarly unique common factor. It creates vivid language.
The second grammatical ploy, again used by vividly creative writers is the metaphor. Here one thing takes on the attributes of another and those attributes are used to enhance the meaning of the original. Instead of being ‘like’ something else, they are actually referred to as if they have become that. For instance we use ‘the foot of the mountain’ and most would understand exactly what we mean. But by using metaphors more inventively we can create a strong visual component to our words.
Lee Iacocca once said “I talk about gasoline prices and interest rates because they have always been the twin engines that drive my business.” He was using a metaphor to drive home the importance of prices and interest rates.
Each of these uses the mental images created by common knowledge and experience to add a visual component to our words and generate an emotional response in our listeners.If we want to connect and engage with our audience we need to do more than baffle them with science! We need to engage them with an emotional component that will enable them to personally engage with our message.
To help us to do that we can co-op both Similes and Metaphors as champions in our cause, riding like white knights to our rescue when we need some vivid language.
Michele@Trischel
Friday, December 11, 2009
Choices – Your Life’s Roadmap
At a recent presentation I pointed out that everyone in that room were there because of the choices they had made during their life. If they had made just one choice differently then they would probably have been somewhere else!
Don’t believe me? Then try this exercise:
Who is your best friend and how did you meet. Wherever it was, what made you go there? What other choices did you have at the time? If you had made another choice, would you have met your friend?
I was born in England but washed up on the shores of Australia – that was by choice. I spent a long time in a military career by choice; and during that time I was given a number of options which defined exactly what I did and where I did it – I made my choices and that then opened up a number of differing opportunities. If I had made different choices who knows where I would be and what I would be doing!
If I hadn’t decided to take a bus ride into town on a wet and windy English Winter’s day I may never have joined the RAF – and the rest of my life would have been vastly different. If you stop and think about your life you will probably identify a number of life changing choices that you made.
So if we have made such life changing choices we must have given it a great deal of thought and careful consideration – right? Probably not!
So often we carelessly make choices which change our life, without any thought or even reason. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Sometimes it works out well, and at other times … well best pass over them!
We make choices every single day without bothering to stop to think – Cereal or eggs for breakfast? Simple, I am in a hurry so let’s have cereal – that’s our choice. Shall we go to the city today? I don’t feel like it, let’s stay home. Another choice. Neither of these seem particularly life changing, but today on the motorway there was a three car accident, and if I had chosen to go to the city, who knows.
So most of our lives are created by choices that we make without any thought for the outcome. But there are other types of choices we can make, which are done with deliberation and careful consideration.
Setting a goal for ourselves is a deliberate choice of direction for our lives. When we make that kind of decision we have made a specific choice of how we want our lives to be in the future. And when we set a goal we intend a certain outcome.
But while our daily choices may have unexpected outcomes they are rarely planned – goal setting however is different. It needs careful planning, it needs deliberation and an understanding of what is required to achieve that goal and create a successful life choice.
Without creating that plan we are unlikely to succeed, because achieving goals often requires us to make uncomfortable choices, and we don’t like being uncomfortable. We delude ourselves that it is too difficult, too hard – but we choose not to continue and that changes the outcome. We can fool ourselves a little by claiming that we have no time , we are too busy but we choose to forget that we spent three hours on facebook, or strolling around the shops – so we deliberately choose to fail, because we don’t like being uncomfortable.
Reaching out for goals is making a deliberate choice to be uncomfortable for a greater aim. To achieve the successful outcome that I dream about I need to fight hard now – and sometimes it feels just too difficult, too uncomfortable, and so I choose to fail.
And that I think is at the base of all our instinctive choices – what will make me feel comfortable at this time? whatever it is will be our choice.
If we understand this, when we next set ourselves goals we can expect it to be hard, to be difficult to struggle through, and our success will be driven by the choice of how uncomfortable we are prepared to be. And that itself is driven by how desperately we want this to succeed.
Life is all about choices. Often we drift into and out of situations without realising how we got there. The choices we made that brought us here were made without thinking and without any care for the future. But if we want some control over our life’s choices then we need to be serious about goal setting; and we need to realise that changing can be uncomfortable. If we choose to accept that then we can make real life changing choices that can shape our lives the way we want, rather than be washed ashore somewhere else … like Australia for instance.
Michele @ Trischel
Don’t believe me? Then try this exercise:
Who is your best friend and how did you meet. Wherever it was, what made you go there? What other choices did you have at the time? If you had made another choice, would you have met your friend?
I was born in England but washed up on the shores of Australia – that was by choice. I spent a long time in a military career by choice; and during that time I was given a number of options which defined exactly what I did and where I did it – I made my choices and that then opened up a number of differing opportunities. If I had made different choices who knows where I would be and what I would be doing!
If I hadn’t decided to take a bus ride into town on a wet and windy English Winter’s day I may never have joined the RAF – and the rest of my life would have been vastly different. If you stop and think about your life you will probably identify a number of life changing choices that you made.
So if we have made such life changing choices we must have given it a great deal of thought and careful consideration – right? Probably not!
So often we carelessly make choices which change our life, without any thought or even reason. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Sometimes it works out well, and at other times … well best pass over them!
We make choices every single day without bothering to stop to think – Cereal or eggs for breakfast? Simple, I am in a hurry so let’s have cereal – that’s our choice. Shall we go to the city today? I don’t feel like it, let’s stay home. Another choice. Neither of these seem particularly life changing, but today on the motorway there was a three car accident, and if I had chosen to go to the city, who knows.
So most of our lives are created by choices that we make without any thought for the outcome. But there are other types of choices we can make, which are done with deliberation and careful consideration.
Setting a goal for ourselves is a deliberate choice of direction for our lives. When we make that kind of decision we have made a specific choice of how we want our lives to be in the future. And when we set a goal we intend a certain outcome.
But while our daily choices may have unexpected outcomes they are rarely planned – goal setting however is different. It needs careful planning, it needs deliberation and an understanding of what is required to achieve that goal and create a successful life choice.
Without creating that plan we are unlikely to succeed, because achieving goals often requires us to make uncomfortable choices, and we don’t like being uncomfortable. We delude ourselves that it is too difficult, too hard – but we choose not to continue and that changes the outcome. We can fool ourselves a little by claiming that we have no time , we are too busy but we choose to forget that we spent three hours on facebook, or strolling around the shops – so we deliberately choose to fail, because we don’t like being uncomfortable.
Reaching out for goals is making a deliberate choice to be uncomfortable for a greater aim. To achieve the successful outcome that I dream about I need to fight hard now – and sometimes it feels just too difficult, too uncomfortable, and so I choose to fail.
And that I think is at the base of all our instinctive choices – what will make me feel comfortable at this time? whatever it is will be our choice.
If we understand this, when we next set ourselves goals we can expect it to be hard, to be difficult to struggle through, and our success will be driven by the choice of how uncomfortable we are prepared to be. And that itself is driven by how desperately we want this to succeed.
Life is all about choices. Often we drift into and out of situations without realising how we got there. The choices we made that brought us here were made without thinking and without any care for the future. But if we want some control over our life’s choices then we need to be serious about goal setting; and we need to realise that changing can be uncomfortable. If we choose to accept that then we can make real life changing choices that can shape our lives the way we want, rather than be washed ashore somewhere else … like Australia for instance.
Michele @ Trischel
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Interview from the Interviewer’s Perspective
During a recent discussion with a client regarding Interview Skills for those going for interviews there was a plaintive wail and the question: “What about the Interviewer… I have to start interviews for some new positions soon and I haven’t conducted interviews before – what tips do you have for me?
So for those who have never conducted interviews before or those who would like to brush up on their skills here are few tips.
Firstly, as for the interviewees, prepare for the interview. This means knowing what you are looking for – what skills set do you need, what personality traits would best suit the position. In other words make sure you have done a job analysis which will give you a job description and a person specification.
Secondly, if you are part of an interview team or panel make sure that you are all on the same level playing field. Have a check list to assess the candidates against. Discuss with each other what you are looking for and discuss the types of questions to be asked. Questions can be communication type, leadership type, behavioural, motivational, educational and skills. Avoid illegal questions and interview practices that may get you in trouble with the Anti Discrimination Board. Be aware of the sort of questions, like age, sex or race that can not be asked.
Thirdly, as part of your preparation make sure you have read the candidates’ resumes and familiarise yourself with their information. You can use this information to form questions for the interview.
Fourthly, make sure you set aside enough time for each interview and that you have the interview room set up appropriately. Allow time for the actual interview and time for the interview panel to absorb discuss and make notes after each interview. The actual interview may take 15 to 60 mins depending on the position level and job. Ensure that there are no interruptions during the interview. Seating arrangements should ensure that the candidate is comfortable and relaxed to facilitate conversation rather than interrogation.
During the interview ensure your questions are open questions that encourage the candidate to provide enough information for you to assess them. Avoid yes or no and leading questions such as “You didn’t have any problems in your last job, did you?” Have some follow up questions ready, such as “What did you do then? Would you give an example of that?”
Most importantly practice good listening skills. Listen to what the candidate is saying, what is not being said and for any recurrent themes or answers, inconsistencies or gaps. Wait after asking a question to allow the candidate to formulate their reply. Don’t be afraid of silence.
Avoid bias. Be aware of any prejudices you might have or of prejudging a candidate based on the resume information. Watch out for judging a person solely based on the appearance or ability to speak. Make sure you take all aspects of the candidate into consideration when making a decision. Don’t let the halo affect i.e. one good point cloud all the other points about the candidate.
When closing the interview, ask the candidate if they have any further questions, make sure you have all the information you want, thank the candidate and walk them to the door.
After all the interviews are done, make your selection based on the information received at the interview, the candidates’ resumes, the check lists, discussions with your fellow panel members and reference checks.
Be aware that during an interview not only are you assessing the candidate but the candidate is also assessing you. You are representing your company and the candidate is making some decisions about the company based on how you present yourself when conducting the interview.
So ensure you shine and use some of these tips to assist in polishing your skills as an interviewer.
Trish@Trischel
So for those who have never conducted interviews before or those who would like to brush up on their skills here are few tips.
Firstly, as for the interviewees, prepare for the interview. This means knowing what you are looking for – what skills set do you need, what personality traits would best suit the position. In other words make sure you have done a job analysis which will give you a job description and a person specification.
Secondly, if you are part of an interview team or panel make sure that you are all on the same level playing field. Have a check list to assess the candidates against. Discuss with each other what you are looking for and discuss the types of questions to be asked. Questions can be communication type, leadership type, behavioural, motivational, educational and skills. Avoid illegal questions and interview practices that may get you in trouble with the Anti Discrimination Board. Be aware of the sort of questions, like age, sex or race that can not be asked.
Thirdly, as part of your preparation make sure you have read the candidates’ resumes and familiarise yourself with their information. You can use this information to form questions for the interview.
Fourthly, make sure you set aside enough time for each interview and that you have the interview room set up appropriately. Allow time for the actual interview and time for the interview panel to absorb discuss and make notes after each interview. The actual interview may take 15 to 60 mins depending on the position level and job. Ensure that there are no interruptions during the interview. Seating arrangements should ensure that the candidate is comfortable and relaxed to facilitate conversation rather than interrogation.
During the interview ensure your questions are open questions that encourage the candidate to provide enough information for you to assess them. Avoid yes or no and leading questions such as “You didn’t have any problems in your last job, did you?” Have some follow up questions ready, such as “What did you do then? Would you give an example of that?”
Most importantly practice good listening skills. Listen to what the candidate is saying, what is not being said and for any recurrent themes or answers, inconsistencies or gaps. Wait after asking a question to allow the candidate to formulate their reply. Don’t be afraid of silence.
Avoid bias. Be aware of any prejudices you might have or of prejudging a candidate based on the resume information. Watch out for judging a person solely based on the appearance or ability to speak. Make sure you take all aspects of the candidate into consideration when making a decision. Don’t let the halo affect i.e. one good point cloud all the other points about the candidate.
When closing the interview, ask the candidate if they have any further questions, make sure you have all the information you want, thank the candidate and walk them to the door.
After all the interviews are done, make your selection based on the information received at the interview, the candidates’ resumes, the check lists, discussions with your fellow panel members and reference checks.
Be aware that during an interview not only are you assessing the candidate but the candidate is also assessing you. You are representing your company and the candidate is making some decisions about the company based on how you present yourself when conducting the interview.
So ensure you shine and use some of these tips to assist in polishing your skills as an interviewer.
Trish@Trischel
Monday, December 7, 2009
Listening to Close the Communication Gap
My granddaughter is twelve years old, and is going to an all-girl’s school next term. I asked her if she was looking forward to it. “Oh, yes” she sighed “Boys just never listen!”
Welcome to the real world honey; and as any woman will tell you, neither do men!
We’ve all heard that men are from Mars and women are from Venus – which is in itself a glaring example of stereo typing. It presumes that all men are martial and all women are emotional; an attitude which hopeful men adopt to explain why they simply cannot understand women. But the idea that men never listen does have some justification in experience – mine!
I claim to be an expert in existing alongside a group of individuals that never listened to me. I worked alongside men, not in a support role, but in competition. I argued with them, yelled at them, tried to understand them and cried when I couldn’t. A female soldier in a platoon of men has a hard lot to bear!!
Consequently when I say that there are only two things that I found really different about the way men and women communicated – I do so from extensive experience.
The first thing that I discovered was that men are born problem solvers. Every thing couched in terms of a problem needs an instant solution. This caused me great frustration, because while men will jump straight in with their solution women have a very different way to deal with the communication of problems and solutions.
You see a woman will want to set the scene; we want to describe the situation so that you get the picture. Men will hear the situation and immediately start to solve the problem. This is not necessary – mostly we have solved the problem ourselves and are telling you our solution – but – we want you to understand what the problem was all about first before we move onto our solution. Men just want to solve the perceived problem
I found this infuriating at first – when I was holding planning meetings I wanted to outline the situation so that everyone understood what was at stake. My male soldiers took that as in invitation to suggest solutions without waiting to see if I had any first.
My approach of course, infuriated them – “If you knew what we had to do to solve it, why not just say so!” was one incensed corporal’s response to my carefully outlined scenario.
The base problem is the fact that very often men do not listen – listen all the way through that is. They get impatient and want you to cut to the chase, so to speak. The careful explanation of what caused the problem is not necessary for them to solve it. And so I asked myself “Is it absolutely necessary for me to paint the picture?” Often the answer was “No” and so I didn’t.
But in other cases it was, and then I had to set the ground rules by telling them that I am going to outline the situation first, and then we can discuss solutions; so if you have any suggestions jot them down until I have finished.
Let me say it again, men may hear us but they rarely listen. They seem hard wired to interruptions; when a group of men get together over a beer in the mess, then it’s bedlam sometimes. They talk over each other, they interrupt and if they disagree with what’s being said they can increase the volume until they are the last man standing – and have therefore won the argument.
Of course men know the rules of this particular play ground, but when I first got to pick up my bat and ball and start to play the game, I did so with very different rules. And so I failed spectacularly. I didn’t want to shout them down, I wanted them to understand my reasoning, but if you don’t listen to me you cannot understand where I am coming from.
I had two choices, I could learn to play by their rules, or I could change the rules. I chose the difficult option of trying to change the rules. And in twenty years I made a very small dent in them!!
But I did find that if I had something of importance to say, I could say it personally to one or two. Individually men do listen. When we had discussed it and understood where each was coming from, there was no gender bias – until the group dynamics started again.
Men in groups behave as instinctively as women do of course; but eventually, after a frustrating day of trying to convince a particular colleague that my idea on a hot topic had merit I was encouraged when, during a heated male debate on the subject, the colleague looked across at me and we exchanged a conspiratorial grin. He had listened, and opted out of the male bonding ritual.
And as he was the one person who could authorise the implementation of my solution, all the bluster and rhetoric of the mess was just hot air. It was an important lesson to learn.
Men can listen, but not in groups.
Personally, I have found a simple request to listen to me works with the husband. When he gets into the “Leave it to me, I’ll solve it” routine I just ask him to listen to my solution, because I am not asking him to help only sharing with him my options.
But in return, I also listen to him when he is trying to articulate emotions and feelings, because men find difficulty in putting into language feelings that hurt and depress them. Often I want to jump in and tell him how he is feeling as women understand the language of emotion and use it easily. But if we dislike men’s instant solutions, they dislike being told how they feel; we need to practice what we preach.
So both sides of the gender debate can help to close the communication gap with the simple grace of listening - giving attention to the other; respecting their opinions and understanding their point of view. We do not need to agree with them to listen. And having listened we should be in a better position to communicate clearly.
Michele @ Trischel
Welcome to the real world honey; and as any woman will tell you, neither do men!
We’ve all heard that men are from Mars and women are from Venus – which is in itself a glaring example of stereo typing. It presumes that all men are martial and all women are emotional; an attitude which hopeful men adopt to explain why they simply cannot understand women. But the idea that men never listen does have some justification in experience – mine!
I claim to be an expert in existing alongside a group of individuals that never listened to me. I worked alongside men, not in a support role, but in competition. I argued with them, yelled at them, tried to understand them and cried when I couldn’t. A female soldier in a platoon of men has a hard lot to bear!!
Consequently when I say that there are only two things that I found really different about the way men and women communicated – I do so from extensive experience.
The first thing that I discovered was that men are born problem solvers. Every thing couched in terms of a problem needs an instant solution. This caused me great frustration, because while men will jump straight in with their solution women have a very different way to deal with the communication of problems and solutions.
You see a woman will want to set the scene; we want to describe the situation so that you get the picture. Men will hear the situation and immediately start to solve the problem. This is not necessary – mostly we have solved the problem ourselves and are telling you our solution – but – we want you to understand what the problem was all about first before we move onto our solution. Men just want to solve the perceived problem
I found this infuriating at first – when I was holding planning meetings I wanted to outline the situation so that everyone understood what was at stake. My male soldiers took that as in invitation to suggest solutions without waiting to see if I had any first.
My approach of course, infuriated them – “If you knew what we had to do to solve it, why not just say so!” was one incensed corporal’s response to my carefully outlined scenario.
The base problem is the fact that very often men do not listen – listen all the way through that is. They get impatient and want you to cut to the chase, so to speak. The careful explanation of what caused the problem is not necessary for them to solve it. And so I asked myself “Is it absolutely necessary for me to paint the picture?” Often the answer was “No” and so I didn’t.
But in other cases it was, and then I had to set the ground rules by telling them that I am going to outline the situation first, and then we can discuss solutions; so if you have any suggestions jot them down until I have finished.
Let me say it again, men may hear us but they rarely listen. They seem hard wired to interruptions; when a group of men get together over a beer in the mess, then it’s bedlam sometimes. They talk over each other, they interrupt and if they disagree with what’s being said they can increase the volume until they are the last man standing – and have therefore won the argument.
Of course men know the rules of this particular play ground, but when I first got to pick up my bat and ball and start to play the game, I did so with very different rules. And so I failed spectacularly. I didn’t want to shout them down, I wanted them to understand my reasoning, but if you don’t listen to me you cannot understand where I am coming from.
I had two choices, I could learn to play by their rules, or I could change the rules. I chose the difficult option of trying to change the rules. And in twenty years I made a very small dent in them!!
But I did find that if I had something of importance to say, I could say it personally to one or two. Individually men do listen. When we had discussed it and understood where each was coming from, there was no gender bias – until the group dynamics started again.
Men in groups behave as instinctively as women do of course; but eventually, after a frustrating day of trying to convince a particular colleague that my idea on a hot topic had merit I was encouraged when, during a heated male debate on the subject, the colleague looked across at me and we exchanged a conspiratorial grin. He had listened, and opted out of the male bonding ritual.
And as he was the one person who could authorise the implementation of my solution, all the bluster and rhetoric of the mess was just hot air. It was an important lesson to learn.
Men can listen, but not in groups.
Personally, I have found a simple request to listen to me works with the husband. When he gets into the “Leave it to me, I’ll solve it” routine I just ask him to listen to my solution, because I am not asking him to help only sharing with him my options.
But in return, I also listen to him when he is trying to articulate emotions and feelings, because men find difficulty in putting into language feelings that hurt and depress them. Often I want to jump in and tell him how he is feeling as women understand the language of emotion and use it easily. But if we dislike men’s instant solutions, they dislike being told how they feel; we need to practice what we preach.
So both sides of the gender debate can help to close the communication gap with the simple grace of listening - giving attention to the other; respecting their opinions and understanding their point of view. We do not need to agree with them to listen. And having listened we should be in a better position to communicate clearly.
Michele @ Trischel
Friday, December 4, 2009
Trischel’s Two Principles of Communication
Last night Trish was the key note speaker at the Key Business Network Meeting in Milton. She chose to speak about the importance of effective communication.
This obviously struck a chord with the audience as she was inundated with questions on how they could use effective communication in their presentations.
And so today, I have decided to talk about those two same principles on the blog.
Firstly we need to understand the importance of communication – it is the core aspect of leadership and an essential tool of management. Yet, in 1998 a report from the Harvard School of Business indicated that about 60% of all business communication was ineffective. Unfortunately, a Leadership Employment and Direction White Paper issued in July this year by Leadership Management Australia demonstrated that not much had changed.
Most senior managers or business leaders are convinced that their communication skills are effective, while a similar number of their employers claim that they have no idea what is going on! Ineffective communication is as much of a problem as it ever was - ten years on.
So if we accept the importance of communication, why are we getting it so wrong?
The truth is reflected in those figures from LMA – executives believe that the problem does not lie with them, but with the listeners. However, the responsibility for clear communication lies with the originator – it is up to them to ensure that the communication was delivered and received effectively. So don’t blame your staff if they don’t know what is going on – you have not communicated properly.
The first of Trischel’s principle of communication addresses one of the reasons why we can be ineffective – we confuse conversation with effective communication. Conversation is relationship based, and we pick and choose what we want to share. We can refrain from giving our true opinion on a topic out of respect for the other person – we do not want to offend or hurt their feelings. We may withhold certain facts that may embarrass us, or put us into an unfavourable light.
We cannot do that with business communication – while we may choose to put it tactfully we are duty bound to be correct, clear and concise. We cannot pick and choose what to share; we cannot fudge facts or lie.
And yet, so many of us mistakenly believe that a conversational style will result in effective business communication. It will not.
Principle No 1 - Conversation is not Effective Business Communication.
Secondly we misjudge the aim of business communication. If Conversation is relationship based, then effective communication is goal orientated. We need communication to be understood for a purpose. We need to know the OH&S brief has been fully understood; we want to advise the line manager precisely what is needed to be done, and we definitely want that sales pitch to succeed.
And so we build effective communication to achieve the purpose. And that needs balance.
We need to ensure that our facts, figures and arguments are credible and believable; and to do this we need to organise and structure our communication to say exactly what we want it to say – and nothing more. This part of the process is known as the Intellectual Content. It makes us accurate.
But giving our client or our supervisors just the facts builds no commitment from them to implement our goals. We need to create an emotional connection with the listener that will lead to them buying into the goal. We do that by using appropriate body language and gestures, plus the energy and enthusiasm created by good vocal techniques.
So Trischel’s 2nd Principle of Communication is a formula
Effective Business Communication = Intellectual Content + Emotional Connection – or
EBC = Ic + Ec
It sounds simple when you say it quickly! – However it does require a clear understanding of how these can be put into practical effect. For that, you need to talk to us.
Trischel are experts in Personal Communication Development – and we are determined to bring that figure of 60% ineffective communication down.
If you too are serious about creating effective communication then together we can work towards achieving both our goals.
Michele @ Trischel
Trischel Innovative Communication Training
ph +61 (0) 7 3261 2140
info@trischel.com.au
http://www.trischel.com.au/
Communication Training*Leadership*Management*Self Development
This obviously struck a chord with the audience as she was inundated with questions on how they could use effective communication in their presentations.
And so today, I have decided to talk about those two same principles on the blog.
Firstly we need to understand the importance of communication – it is the core aspect of leadership and an essential tool of management. Yet, in 1998 a report from the Harvard School of Business indicated that about 60% of all business communication was ineffective. Unfortunately, a Leadership Employment and Direction White Paper issued in July this year by Leadership Management Australia demonstrated that not much had changed.
Most senior managers or business leaders are convinced that their communication skills are effective, while a similar number of their employers claim that they have no idea what is going on! Ineffective communication is as much of a problem as it ever was - ten years on.
So if we accept the importance of communication, why are we getting it so wrong?
The truth is reflected in those figures from LMA – executives believe that the problem does not lie with them, but with the listeners. However, the responsibility for clear communication lies with the originator – it is up to them to ensure that the communication was delivered and received effectively. So don’t blame your staff if they don’t know what is going on – you have not communicated properly.
The first of Trischel’s principle of communication addresses one of the reasons why we can be ineffective – we confuse conversation with effective communication. Conversation is relationship based, and we pick and choose what we want to share. We can refrain from giving our true opinion on a topic out of respect for the other person – we do not want to offend or hurt their feelings. We may withhold certain facts that may embarrass us, or put us into an unfavourable light.
We cannot do that with business communication – while we may choose to put it tactfully we are duty bound to be correct, clear and concise. We cannot pick and choose what to share; we cannot fudge facts or lie.
And yet, so many of us mistakenly believe that a conversational style will result in effective business communication. It will not.
Principle No 1 - Conversation is not Effective Business Communication.
Secondly we misjudge the aim of business communication. If Conversation is relationship based, then effective communication is goal orientated. We need communication to be understood for a purpose. We need to know the OH&S brief has been fully understood; we want to advise the line manager precisely what is needed to be done, and we definitely want that sales pitch to succeed.
And so we build effective communication to achieve the purpose. And that needs balance.
We need to ensure that our facts, figures and arguments are credible and believable; and to do this we need to organise and structure our communication to say exactly what we want it to say – and nothing more. This part of the process is known as the Intellectual Content. It makes us accurate.
But giving our client or our supervisors just the facts builds no commitment from them to implement our goals. We need to create an emotional connection with the listener that will lead to them buying into the goal. We do that by using appropriate body language and gestures, plus the energy and enthusiasm created by good vocal techniques.
So Trischel’s 2nd Principle of Communication is a formula
Effective Business Communication = Intellectual Content + Emotional Connection – or
EBC = Ic + Ec
It sounds simple when you say it quickly! – However it does require a clear understanding of how these can be put into practical effect. For that, you need to talk to us.
Trischel are experts in Personal Communication Development – and we are determined to bring that figure of 60% ineffective communication down.
If you too are serious about creating effective communication then together we can work towards achieving both our goals.
Michele @ Trischel
Trischel Innovative Communication Training
ph +61 (0) 7 3261 2140
info@trischel.com.au
http://www.trischel.com.au/
Communication Training*Leadership*Management*Self Development
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Adding Impact to Interviews
Last week we talked about the importance of first impressions and handling nerves at interviews.
You can add further impact to your interview by being aware of a few simple rules which you can follow:
• Consider what the job entails and the type of work you will be doing - and dress accordingly. Don’t wear a suit and tie for a builder’s labourer’s job. – and you probably won’t have too much success if you opt for jeans and a t-shirt if applying for an office based job.
• If you have done your research properly you will have some idea of what the company climate is. You might know someone who works there, or you may have visited the organisation and taken note of how the employers generally choose to dress. This will give you a feel for the climate of the organisation.
Employers want to find the best qualified applicant, but they also want a employer who fits the company culture, who will fit into the team structure which already exists. In choosing your dress style you are aiming to show them that you will fit in just fine.
• Avoid overdressing, aim for a slightly understated look, which means no flashing or tinkling jewellery, avoid visible body piercing and while it seems unfair, cover up that fantastic tattoo you got that stretches from shoulder to wrist,
Small tattoos are a talking point, but given two equally matched candidates at an interview, the one wearing short sleeves and naked ladies up each arm is unlikely to get the job. This is particularly true if the job entails face to face customer service. If you are so adorned I suggest you wear a long sleeve shirt - unfortunately perception plays a large part in people’s judgement, and that includes any future customers you may have to deal with if you should get the job.
• If you are a fan of power dressing – then go for it – remembering the previous points. But I think it is preferable to let your choice be dictated by who you are.
• Employers look for a candidate that displays commitment, hard work and determination. Clothes can give a subtle message that you possess all these qualities – they can also suggest that you don’t.
While what is considered acceptable business dress has relaxed over recent years, do not be fooled into thinking that appearance no longer matters, it does. Take care over your appearance and aim to be neat and tidy, if the candidate shows that they can’t be bothered how they look then the interviewer may have reason to believe they won’t be bothered when they are working either. If the job entails some sort of public interaction this will be an important criteria.
If in doubt – opt for a conservative approach. First impressions, while they cannot substitute for sound preparation are, nonetheless, highly important. Decisions are sometimes made in the first minute or so of the interview.
Give yourself the opportunity to shine at the interview.
Trish @Trischel
You can add further impact to your interview by being aware of a few simple rules which you can follow:
• Consider what the job entails and the type of work you will be doing - and dress accordingly. Don’t wear a suit and tie for a builder’s labourer’s job. – and you probably won’t have too much success if you opt for jeans and a t-shirt if applying for an office based job.
• If you have done your research properly you will have some idea of what the company climate is. You might know someone who works there, or you may have visited the organisation and taken note of how the employers generally choose to dress. This will give you a feel for the climate of the organisation.
Employers want to find the best qualified applicant, but they also want a employer who fits the company culture, who will fit into the team structure which already exists. In choosing your dress style you are aiming to show them that you will fit in just fine.
• Avoid overdressing, aim for a slightly understated look, which means no flashing or tinkling jewellery, avoid visible body piercing and while it seems unfair, cover up that fantastic tattoo you got that stretches from shoulder to wrist,
Small tattoos are a talking point, but given two equally matched candidates at an interview, the one wearing short sleeves and naked ladies up each arm is unlikely to get the job. This is particularly true if the job entails face to face customer service. If you are so adorned I suggest you wear a long sleeve shirt - unfortunately perception plays a large part in people’s judgement, and that includes any future customers you may have to deal with if you should get the job.
• If you are a fan of power dressing – then go for it – remembering the previous points. But I think it is preferable to let your choice be dictated by who you are.
• Employers look for a candidate that displays commitment, hard work and determination. Clothes can give a subtle message that you possess all these qualities – they can also suggest that you don’t.
While what is considered acceptable business dress has relaxed over recent years, do not be fooled into thinking that appearance no longer matters, it does. Take care over your appearance and aim to be neat and tidy, if the candidate shows that they can’t be bothered how they look then the interviewer may have reason to believe they won’t be bothered when they are working either. If the job entails some sort of public interaction this will be an important criteria.
If in doubt – opt for a conservative approach. First impressions, while they cannot substitute for sound preparation are, nonetheless, highly important. Decisions are sometimes made in the first minute or so of the interview.
Give yourself the opportunity to shine at the interview.
Trish @Trischel
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